Saying

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

Doug Larson

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New tractor Print E-mail
Thursday, 02 March 2006

In the rural south, occasionally you will find an older gentleman who still uses a mule to make a garden.

Until he was 72, my father used one and contended that if you knew what you were doing with a good mule, you never needed a hoe for the grass.

Well, there was this old man who had been using a mule for years and it finally died on him. Seeing as he really needed a large garden to hold down food costs, he made a trip to see the mule dealer.

Admittedly, they are rare, but they still exist.

At the dealer's place he was surprised at how much prices for mules had increased in the last 20 years - mules live a long time.

After examining the available stock and the leanness of his wallet (he only had $125), he concluded he would have to settle for a mule almost as old as himself.

After extensive haggling with the dealer, they settled on a price, the old man made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up his purchase, and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him.

Early the next day, the old man returned to be faced with some bad news.

"Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden."

Jim replied, "Well bad luck is bad luck, you really can't do anything about it. Where's the mule now?"

"Oh, he's out back, I was just getting out the backhoe to bury him. Hold on a minute while I get your money for you."

"No, that wouldn't be right, I bought it, you were just holding him as a favor, it's my loss, not yours. But, if you will help me load him in the truck, I'll see if I can recover a little for him at the dog food plant."

Well, Jim loads up the mule and drives off. A couple of months later the mule dealer happens to drive by Jim's place and is astonished to see Jim working his garden on a NEW $4,000 garden tractor.

Leaning on the pickup horn, he calls Jim over and asks him how in the world he managed such a piece of equipment when a couple of months before all he had was $125 for a mule and the mule had died on him.

"Well," Jim explains, "after leaving with the mule, I had this idea and I stopped off at the local print shop and had 2,500 $2 raffle tickets printed up. Grand prize... Gardening Equipment. Then I sold all the raffle tickets to people around town."

"Yeah, out where did you get the gardening equipment?"

"From you."

"No, I mean the equipment you had as the raffle prize."

"Like I said, I got it from you."

"Man, all you got from me was a dead mule."

"I know. That's what I raffled off."

"My Goodness, Jim! You raffled off a dead mule? I'll bet it really made a lot of people mad when they found out about it."

"Naw, not really. The only one really ticked off was the winner, and I gave him his money back."

Bin Workin Print E-mail
Thursday, 02 March 2006

DEPTARMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY ALERT

We've just been notified by Security that there have been 6 suspected terrorists working out of your office.

Five of the six have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody.

Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office.

Security is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

You are obviously not a suspect at this time.

Adam and Eve Print E-mail
Thursday, 23 February 2006

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God.

Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?

God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?

God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?

God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?

God: So she would sleep with you.

Change Print E-mail
Thursday, 23 February 2006

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other.

The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.

"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!"

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