Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.

"Nice pigs, sir!"

"Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs -- they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."

"Nice trade, sir!"

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."

"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner. Now I do it in ten..."