Stupid people should have to wear signsthat just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? Youwouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn'tsee your sign."

    It's like before my wife and I moved.Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comesover and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once ortwice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

    A couple of months ago I went fishingwith a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringerof bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?""Nope — talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

    I was watching one of those animal showson the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's onlyone way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... Theywant you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they biteyou." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

    Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled mytruck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks atmy truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist.Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me.Here's your sign."

    We were trying to sell our car about ayear ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. Weget back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could havestopped him.

    I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in mydays of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck gotstuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help andeventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basicquestioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until heasked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, lookedback at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here'syour sign."

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.

2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.

3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.

4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.

5) Improvise Italian operas.

6) Gossip about someone to their face.

7) Answer every question with a question.

8) Repeat yourself constantly.

9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.

10) Repeat yourself constantly.

11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.

12) Repeat yourself constantly.

13) Change what you repeat every now and then.

14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.

15) Change what you repeat every now and then.

16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.

17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.

18) Change what you repeat every now and then.

19) One word: Caffeine.

20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.

21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.

23) Change what you repeat again.

24) Speak in rapid Spanish.

25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.

26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.

27) Change what you repeat again.

28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.

29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.

30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.

31) Pretend to be drunk.

32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.

33) Change what you repeat again.

34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.

35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.

36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.

37) Change what you repeat again.

38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.

39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.

40) Pretend to be high.

41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

42) Change what you repeat again.

43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.

44) Speak in Gaelic.

45) Blink rapidly and constantly.

46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.

47) Strut.

48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.

49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.

50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."

51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

PROOF THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures

PROOF THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN:

1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was bilingual.
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.

PROOF THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He worked in the building trades.

PROOF THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He invented a new religion and finally

PROOF THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:

1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.