A doctor died and went to hell. He was met at the gate and asked to stand in a room and wait for Satan. After 4 hours Satan finally appeared. The doctor was incensed. Poking his watch he said, "How could you keep me waiting so long!! I am an important man! I'm a doctor!"

Satan replied, "Doctors are a dime a dozen here in Hell. But I'll tell you what. Since you had to wait so long, I will give you a choice of which part of hell you will spend eternity in."

Satan took the doctor down a hall and said, "Here. I'll be back shortly. You can choose between Door #1 and Door #2. I'll be back and you can let me know where you want to be assigned."

The doctor opened Door #1. Inside was an Intensive Care Unit. Blood was spurting, alarms were going off and patients were coding. A man in the corner extubated himself as a woman in the center fell out of bed. The doctor quickly shut the door and said, "My God, I really am in Hell. I'd better check Door #2."

Behind Door #2 was a Medical Records Department. Unfinished charts stretched for miles with notations about delinquent H&Ps. Message slips from Managed Care Case Managers filled a swimming pool sized bin, all marked Urgent.

Inside, physicians were dictating as sweat poured off their brows. The doctor shut the door and said, "I don't know which one is worse."

Then he noticed another door off to the side. He opened it and inside was a tidy nurse's station. The nurses were all young and beautiful. There were busily making rounds with doctors and calling to obtain lab and x-ray results.

They poured coffee and served donuts purchased with their own money. One doctor complained of a stiff neck and a nurse rubbed it for him. "Now this is more like it." the doctor thought as he closed the door.

Satan came strolling back down the hall and said, "Well, which have you decided on, Door #1 or Door #2?"

The doctor replied, "Actually, I would like to go behind Door #3."

"That's not an option." said Satan.

"But... that's what I want!" said the doctor.

Satan replied, "I'm sorry, but you can't go in there. That's Hell for nurses."

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"

One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union." 

A lady called the police to report that her husband was missing.

The police arrived and asked for a description of her husband. She told them that he was 6 foot 2 inches tall with blonde wavy hair and a smile that made everyone love him.

The police proceeded to go next door to ask the neighbor if she had any information about the man. The lady next door, astonished at the description given to the police by her neighbor, told the police, "That's not true . He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, is bald and has a perpetual frown on his face."

After the police left, the neighbor went to ask why the woman had given the police a false description of her husband.

She replied, "Just because I reported him missing doesn't mean I want him back!"